Warning: this is tongue-in-cheek, aka sarcasm, aka a little bit of fun, aka don’t take it seriously. So I was in the bath last night, and I thought to myself, what’s the difference between me and a tourist in Japan? We’re both human. We’re both probably foreigners, and we’re both interested in Japan…
- Sunburn levels: Tourists emerge lobster-red after 5 minutes, residents have mastered the art of strategic umbrella shading and SPF50+. Bonus points for wearing UV アームカバー arm covers.
- Public transportation fluency: Tourists struggle with deciphering train maps, residents navigate rush hour like ninjas, even remembering the “women only” car etiquette. Bonus points for using Suica cards with practiced flair.
- Language skills: Tourists stick to “konnichiwa” and “arigato,” residents have mastered “oss” (wassup) so that it slides in unnoticed and can at least order ramen without pointing. Bonus points for knowing regional dialects (not just Osaka-ben) and grumbling about “gaijin smash.”
- Toilet etiquette: Tourists hover awkwardly, forget to put on and/or take off the slippers, and wonder what all the buttons do, while residents navigate washlets like seasoned captains, mastering the bidet dance and heated seat bliss. Bonus points for asking “toire kashite ii desu ka?” in conbini.
- Patience: Tourists get frustrated with slow lines, residents accept them as a zen test of their inner peace. Bonus points for meditating while waiting for the train, ignoring the loudspeaker announcements.
- Kimono slayer: Tourists pay full price in fancy shops in Ginza (Tokyo) or Ochicochiya (Kyoto), residents pay peanuts for vintage kimono on mercari and jimotei.
- Sense of humor: Tourists giggle at everything, residents have a dry, almost deadpan wit that takes years to understand. Bonus points for appreciating the subtle humor in a well-timed “boke and tsukkomi” routine.
- Ramen loyalty: Tourists head to chain shops, residents have their “go-to” ramen joint they defend with religious fervor. Bonus points for knowing the owner’s name and preferred noodle firmness.
- Fashion sense: Tourists stick out in crop tops and ripped jeans, residents have mastered the art of understated, minimalist chic. Bonus points for wearing undershirts and carrying hand towels in summer.
- Love-hate relationship with Japan: Tourists leave starry-eyed, residents complain about everything but secretly wouldn’t trade it for the world. Bonus points for mastering the art of the “gaijin grumble.”
Remember: This is all in good fun and meant to be lighthearted. Every individual experience is unique, and both tourists and long-term residents contribute to the richness and diversity of Japan!